Since sharing my post about surrogacy and more people becoming aware of my plans, I am saddened by some people’s negativity and judgement. Some people cannot get their head around why anyone would ‘put themselves through it’ when they don’t have to. Some people think that it will massively impact on my life to the point that I won’t be able to live or have fun along the way (well…most pregnancies are relatively straight forward and even if they are not, pregnancy doesn’t last more than 9 months!). Some have said, what about your girls…surely if I was having a baby of my own it would impact on them more, especially as a single mum. Children are amazingly resilient and as my girls are only 3 & 4, they won’t know any different and certainly won’t think of it as anything other than positive. It saddens me that in this day and age, people are still so judgemental, but I won’t let it put me off. Instead, I intend to surround myself with those that are supportive.
After submitting my application, it was a case of going through formalities such as having a DBS check, sending off I.D and asking my GP to fill in a health and wellbeing report. As you can imagine, all these things take time.
In the meantime, it was suggested that I join surrogacy groups on Facebook to start reading about others journeys and they also suggested I post a message introducing myself with the hope of talking to others. Well, those of you who know me will know that I still don’t find it easy to put myself out there even if it is on social media, however, I decided to feel the fear and do it anyway! I got lots of likes and some welcome comments, but one person stood out. He had written that he went to school with someone who had the same full name as me and how strange it would be if it had been me.
From that one comment I decided to send him a message to say hi and ask how his surrogacy journey was going. Who would have thought that that one message would become the start of something special!
We started messaging each other regularly and seemed to click, he explained how he and his partner were looking for a surrogate and that they were fairly new to this too. They had already been to a social event run by SurrogacyUK which they said they found useful but didn’t walk away with a potential surrogate. I hadn’t realised that IP’s cannot approach surrogates and instead it has to be the surrogates that approach IP’s and that it is ultimately down to the surrogate who they choose to do this for. I could see how awkward it might be at a social event and when posting in one of the Facebook groups because all the IP’s are looking for a potential surrogate but you can’t just say, “Hi, will you be my surrogate?”.
Throughout one of our many chats it was G (for the sake of confidentiality I will only be using initials) who told me about the BBC documentary ‘The Surrogates’ which is a 3-part series available on iPlayer. I had never heard about it nor watched it until G mentioned it to me. I then binged watched the entire series and it was very interesting, eye opening and emotional.
What surprised me the most from watching the documentaries was the amazing friendships that came out of all the surrogates’ journeys with their IP’s. I went into this journey not expecting that to be the norm so watching how close they had all come was lovely and I have to admit it made me want that too.
There was one moment when a gay couple were in the labour room with their surrogate and as she was giving birth the look on the men’s faces was a picture! One of them looked like he was going to faint and the other was crying. I couldn’t help wondering if they were tears of pure joy and happiness at seeing their baby being born into the world or tears from what they had witnessed!!!
After chatting pretty much constantly we decided to meet up and the boys drove all the way over from Manchester with their gorgeous golden Labrador! I was certainly nervous as I suppose having got on so well in messages, I hoped we’d get on as well in real life. I also hoped that they would turn up (which they did!).
What was meant to be a couple of hours chatting over lunch turned into more than 5 hours of chatting, giggling, and getting on like a house on fire with conversations from everyday life to a potential surrogacy journey.
It made me realise that anyone going on a surrogacy journey would have to get on incredibly well together for it to work because you’re going through such a personal and intimate journey whereby, you’re going to be practically living in each other’s pockets for at least the best part of a year.
But do you know what, after meeting G & O and their gorgeous dog, it felt as if I had spent the day with old friends, I couldn’t believe how well we all got on and I left feeling incredibly excited at the prospect of our future surrogacy journey!