This was never going to be post that I imagined I would ever be writing nor one that I particularly want to write but I went into this journey wanting to share my experiences with people from the very beginning.
I am still processing what has happened since my last post and in all honesty, it has shaken me and made me question a lot of things.
What started as an incredibly positive and exciting journey very quickly and unexpectedly took a very different direction.
The intended parents showed a different side to themselves which left me and everyone who knew about this journey in complete shock. I was left with no alternative but to end the journey with immediate effect which was not an easy decision for me. During the time leading up to this decision I was left in tears, shaken and unsure of what to do but fortunately I had the support I needed to get me through.
I could go into details about what went on, but I am not the kind of person to sit here and slate people (even if some may think I have every right to) and even when I ended things with the IP’s I still had a very heavy heart and ended it in the nicest way possible. This led me to be even more shaken and shocked when despite this, the IPs took their disgruntlement to Facebook after blocking me! Who does that? Especially as I know I did nothing wrong other than stand my ground when they wanted me to do things that aren’t ethical, would lead to being kicked out of SurrogacyUK and could seriously jeopardise the Parental Order.
Unfortunately, my ex-IP’s do not give surrogacy a good name but to be perfectly honest I highly doubt that they will find a future surrogate based on their true feelings and opinions about surrogates.
I am hurt by what has happened and for a moment I did want to spit the dummy out and say that I was no longer going to consider being a surrogate but after talking things through I have decided to carry on this journey.
I know in my heart of hearts how I felt when I knew how much I wanted a child of my own and the pain I felt at the thought of it not being possible and I imagine that is how most IP’s feel. I also know that most IP’s value the role that surrogates play in their journey and certainly do not think of them as a machine.
So, whilst I still feel bruised, scared, and worried about being able to let my guard down with future IP’s I know that the right IP’s will be out there.
Moving forward I will be staying with SurrogacyUK and will only select IP’s who are also members. I know that I will have Paige by my side to help sift through possible IP’s and throughout any future get to know periods before starting to try and conceive a baby.
I have always believed in fate, and I am grateful that they showed their true colours when they did as I dread to think what would have happened if I had already been pregnant when this happened. It would have broken my heart to have been in a position where I would have had to seriously consider terminating a healthy foetus because of the actions of the IP’s.
I am also grateful to have met Paige who I wouldn’t have met if it hadn’t been for my ex-IP’s, she has certainly been the silver lining of this whole experience!
I’m hoping the excitement I felt at the prospect of being a surrogate returns, but in the meantime I know I can focus on me, the house move and my course.