Defences…

Lately I have been pondering on our defence mechanisms and what makes our guard go up or push people away.

To some extent our brains are wired to protect ourselves and that is why we have our fight or flight mode. For some situations it is fairly self-explanatory why we may go into fight or flight mode such as when faced with danger.

However, there are times when we go into this mode, and we may not even know why or may not even realise we have gone into fight or flight mode. So why is this?

Sometimes we may have triggers that we are not aware of and so if they are set off then our brains may go into autopilot before we even realise. It’s possible that we may never know what triggered us or the realisation may come with reflection.

When it comes to our defences and pushing people away, this can be for various reasons, again knowingly or unknowingly.

We may choose to push people away as we no longer want them in our lives, or we may do it out of fear. This could be a fear of history repeating itself, fear of not being good enough or fear of letting our guard down enough to allow ourselves the chance of true happiness.

Being pushed away through no fault of your own, no matter what the reason behind it, can be incredibly hard and upsetting because ultimately you can’t help but take it personally even if it’s not. Even if you are able to understand the reasons behind why you were pushed away, the hurt it causes can run deep.

Communicating our fears or admitting our ‘faults’ or mistakes takes a lot of strength and can be incredibly hard, particularly if you are scared of the outcome. Being able to realise these fears or ‘faults’ is one of the biggest steps and then being able to voice these with those we love is an even bigger step to take.

I admire people who are able to acknowledge and own their thoughts and feelings and who feel able to share these with those that mean the world to them.

However, I believe it takes a lot for someone to be able to stay in someone’s life when they have been pushed away, (even if it was done subconsciously or through fear) and even if they know why they were wrongly pushed away.

I hope and believe that if someone means enough to you and if you truly care about or love someone that they would want to stick around however hard or painful it may be, but equally I acknowledge that it can be hard to heal from painful experiences.

There is never an easy answer as we can only do what we feel is best for us, which can be hard as everyone has different opinions and sometimes we can be persuaded by others, particularly when we are unsure or scared of what to do.

I feel this is where we need to trust our instincts and follow our hearts as no one else has walked in your shoes or experienced your feelings or your connections.

I also believe that although we may meet many people in our lives that it is rare to find someone that you have a true connection with.

If you find someone that you feel completely safe with, who you can truly trust and who makes you feel like the most important person in the world, then they are worth fighting for.

Life can throw many curve balls at us but when we allow ourselves the chance to reflect and heal, then we are allowing ourselves the chance to let our guard down and allow ourselves the chance to be truly happy.

However, I know that it can be easier to protect ourselves for fear of history repeating ourselves.

In the end we only regret the chances we didn’t take, relationships we were afraid to have and the decisions we waited too long to make.

Rainbows & Unicorns

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